18 Reasons Why I Don't Wash Myself

One priest got tired of listening to excuses why people skip the Church, and has written this:

18 reasons why I do not wash myself:

1. Because they made me wash myself when I was a kid.
2. Because they didn’t teach me to wash myself when I was a kid.
3. Those who wash themselves are hypocrites – they think they are cleaner than others.
4. Can not decide which soap is better.
5. I used to wash myself before, but then I got bored.
6. I wash myself only on the great feasts – on Nativity and on Easter.
7. None of my friends washes himself.
8. Will start to wash myself when I become old and dirty.
9. I have no time for washing myself.
10. Water is too cold in winter, and too hot in summer.
11. I do not want soap producers to make money on me.
12. It is inside that counts.
13. All soaps are the same. Different soaps were invented by swindlers.
14. All wars in the world are because of the soap.
15. Every soap has it’s flaws. I wash myself with 3 different soaps at once. Only this combination of soaps is correct.
16. Science has proved it already since the 19th century, no soap, even the ideal, can wash down all molecules and atoms of dirt. That is why washing yourself is a hoax and “opium for homeless”.
17. Every soap contains top hazardous chemical ingredients affecting your skin.
18. You shouldn't teach your kid to wash himself. When he will grow up he will understand whether he shall wash himself or not, and which soap to use.