Satan's Beatitudes

If the devil were to write his Beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:
Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians - they are my best workers.
Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - I can use them.
Blessed are the touchy. With a bit of luck, they may stop going to church - they are my missionaries.
Blessed are the troublemakers - they shall be called my children.
Blessed are the complainers - I’m all ears to them.
Blessed are they who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes - for they get nothing out of his sermons.
Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church - for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.
Blessed are they who gossip - for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.
Blessed are they who are easily offended - for they will soon get angry and quit.
Blessed are they who do not give their offering to carry on God's work - for they are my helpers.
Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister - for he shall be with me forever.
Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and not yourself - I’ve got you.

Dan McKibben

Drawing of "prelest" - spiritual self-deception